For Now
by BettyHall223
Summary: Beneath the Surface episode. Can Jack and Sam go back to the way things were before?


_Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are not my property. No copyright infringement is intended._

_Flashbacks are in italics._

She sat in her car staring at his house and knew that he was home because she could see the smoke coming from the chimney. She leaned her head against the steering wheel, took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

She could see the four of them, Jonah, Carlin, Tor and Thera, back there beneath the surface.

_They had come to believe that this was their home, this was where they belonged. But at night when everything was quiet, she would have these dreams. Dreams of a large blue puddle of water. Dreams of a man in a strange tan uniform that had the same smile as hers that, for some reason she couldn't remember, was very important to her. Dreams of firing a weapon. Dreams of strange numbers and letters. Dreams of wearing some kind of dark blue uniform. Then she would suddenly awake in this place that was old, musty, dark and dirty._

_She would catch Jonah watching her and they would share a smile. Even under all that grease and stubble, he was very handsome and they had become inseparable. She knew that he was very important to her and knew that she was just as important to him._

_After the others were asleep, she and Jonah would meet in a quiet corner. This was the time of day they both looked forward to the most, they were happiest being together. She lay her head against his shoulder as he said that he remembered having "feelings." The feelings that rushed through her were those of love for this man that in one way she felt she had known for years and in other ways, felt she hardly knew him at all._

_The first time he kissed her, she had never felt so loved, so wanted or so safe. He held her for the longest time, neither one speaking as they enjoyed the closeness and privacy in this underground world._

_One night she had fallen asleep beside him and Jonah gently shook her awake, she was crying in her sleep. He wanted to know what was wrong and she told him she was having a dream about him. The two of them were in a cave with lots of ice, he had been injured and she was sleeping close to him to try to keep him warm. She was upset and crying because she couldn't find a way to get them out of that cold place. Jonah had hugged her and told her it was just a dream, but to her it had seemed so real._

_Then that day had come when Brenna told them that they didn't belong there and events began to happen very fast. Their memories returned, Brenna was shot and Administrator Calder was exposed. Jonah had shown the workers that there was a city on the surface with no ice and everyone was given their freedom._

_Daniel helped Brenna to stand as she grasped her wounded arm and they left the room as Jack turned to her and they discussed how they knew General Hammond._

_"He's from Texas, you know. It's all coming back."_

_"Yes, sir."_

_The look of sadness that came across his face was one that she would always remember as he uttered "sir" and they both knew the implications of this single word. They stared at each other for several seconds after he repeated it and then they had returned to their real lives._

_After their physicals with Dr. Frasier, there was the debriefing with General Hammond. She sat across the table from Jack and every time she would look up, he was watching her with that same sadness in his eyes that she had seen back on the planet, the same sadness that she was feeling._

_At night, alone in her bed, she kept reliving those days and nights that she had spent in Jonah's arms. Even there in that other world and without all the comforts of home, she had never been happier. She knew she could have stayed there forever as long as she was with him._

_Ever since they had returned to Earth, neither one had been the same. Because of their working relationship, they couldn't avoid each other, so they tried to go on as if nothing had happened. But the memories and feelings of their time together had become almost unbearable._

She lifted her head from the steering wheel and opened her eyes as she blinked back the tears.

Daniel had told her that she and Jack should discuss what had happened, and she didn't quite know what to do. But over the last few days, she had begun to realize that Daniel was right. She knew that she and Jack couldn't go on like this, that something had to be done; if not for each other, then for the sake of the team.

So here she sat, trying to work up the courage to knock on his door. She knew that Jack hardly ever talked about his feelings. She knew that it would be her that would start the conversation, and where it would go from there, she had no idea. She wasn't sure what she would say or do when she did see him, but she wouldn't and couldn't put this off any longer.

She stepped out of the car and quickly walked up the sidewalk before she lost her nerve. She took a deep breath and rapped a few times on the door and looked down at her hands as they slightly trembled. She heard the door open and lifted her head to see him standing there. They were silent as he held the door open wider for her to enter.

He closed the door and put his hands in his pockets. Before either of them could speak, she took two steps toward him and wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. His arms automatically encircled her waist and he leaned down and put his face against her neck. She remembered Jonah hugging her like this. They stood that way for several moments, then leaned back to look at each other and stared into each other's eyes. Her heart was beating so fast, she was sure that he could hear. They slowly leaned toward each other as their lips met. The kiss was warm, tender and sweet.

The kiss ended and they looked at each other again, then she wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head beneath his chin and he rested his head on top of hers.

She felt the overwhelming urge to cry, so she buried her face in his chest as he hugged her tighter and her tears moistened his shirt. She could feel the quick thumping of his heart and knew this was affecting him as much as it was her.

"I love you, Sam."

She pulled back from him and had never seen such an intense, yet sorrowful, look in his brown eyes.

"I love you too, Jack."

He hugged her to him once again as tears slipped down her cheeks, her heart breaking even more.

He took her by the hand and led her to the sofa. As she sat down beside him, he put his arm around her and she laid her head on his shoulder and wiped her eyes. She said the words that she had been thinking for days. "I'll resign."

He pushed her back from him and looked into her eyes. "No, you won't" he said adamantly as he took her hands in his. "I will."

She shook her head. "No."

He pulled her to him once again and both of them knew they were at a crossroads.

She wiped the tears from her eyes. "I won't let you give up your career and you won't let me give up mine. So where does that leave us?"

He hugged her tighter. "I don't like this any more than you do, Sam. I want us to be together."

Her voice broke as she sat back and they held hands as she ran her thumb across his knuckles. "But right now . . . we have a duty to do our jobs . . . to protect this planet as best we can."

He sadly nodded his head in agreement.

She lay her head back on his shoulder and wiped her eyes once more.

For now, they would just have to live on the memories of their time in the mines, and hope that one day they could have a life together.

They sat in silence for several minutes, then they stood and he held on to her hand as they walked to the door. They paused once more and looked into each other's eyes, then hugged each other tightly. They let go and she gently kissed him on the cheek.

She walked to her car, turned around and waved with a sad expression on her face. He waved back and watched as she got into her car and drove away.

The End


End file.
